Love Yourself & Grow Yourself !

2011-07-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

The Greatest Salesman in the World by O.G. Mandino; this is the book I am currently reading. It is a strangely formatted book in that there are instructions for converting the information within into knowledge and on a deeper note: new/developed habits.

There is an introductory story and then a collection of scrolls. Each scroll covers an area which must become a habit: it must be read three times per day consistently for thirty days – upon waking, after midday meal and out loud before bed. You cannot advance to another scroll without doing the above – according to the instructions. The depth of its message is clearly established and explained and you are warned not to underestimate it with petty value.

The second scroll is where I am now – which focuses on greeting with love. It speaks about using love – and not “I force myself to love it even though I hate but I know this is what they want so I am going to push and try hard”… but genuine love and appreciation for and in response to things.

Incidentally, my “fortune cookie” on Facebook for today says, “Our first and last love… is self love”. It made me think and reflect on this word, “love”.

If you run a google definition search, you will find the meaning of love to be “an intense feeling of deep affection”. Love comes easily to some and then to others it is more “feared” and guised under a “tough skin”.

It seems that our experiences teach us to deal with “love”. It goes back to the four stages of learning: unconsciously incompetent (don’t know, don’t know that you don’t know); consciously incompetent (don’t know but know that you don’t know); consciously competent (know and know you know) then the worst or best part: the formation of a habit through repetition: unconsciously competent (know but don’t realize that you know or not fully conscious of it).

My theory is that in some negative situations, we may create “habits” of comfort. So you are rejected by members of the opposite sex or have bad experiences and you find other outlets to quell your desires – to express and / or to distract: one of my habits of comfort is food to the point where when such a negative situation is returned in one form or the other – I subconsciously binge – it took years after recognition to be able to manage this: to be able to recognize when it is happening is one thing – more important to that is being able to stop and convert into something positive. It is not a perfect act – and you may find yourself slipping, however, with refocus and an attitude and commitment to growth and development you are in the right direction. Other means of distraction may include getting excessively “lost” in ‘work’, alcohol and other related substances. To find the key insights, i.e. the underlying motivation behind behavior – you have to reflect thoroughly – dig deep – question ‘why’. It takes time and effort.

In my younger years, I was told by a very distant friend, the words “I love you”. Back then my innocence rebutted this – and I argued back – questioning its possibility. I now understand it clearly. Loving someone or something does not mean they love you back, it does not mean you “own” or have great impact or influence on their lives, or that you are even part of it. It simply means you appreciate them and / or that you appreciate their better qualities more than their faults and that you accept them as they are but always hope they find ways and means of developing and dealing with the areas in which they lack. It means you want what is best for them even if that means having to put your selfish desires for them aside.

One of my strategies for dealing with people I may not “click” with is to hold them in my “gratitude book”. This is where I put their name and the things I genuinely appreciate about them in a list. In some cases even, it has taken me weeks to find those things – it must be done with absolute integrity. And it has worked tremendously well for me and in fact, I think – saved me from becoming a bitter / grudge-holding soul. Unfortunately, there are some people who may make the cut to the book but it may also be very necessary to stand up to their foolishness: such people in my life generally have very poor integrity & mutual respect and are, in fact, few in number. It is best, in my opinion, to simply forgive and forget yet pray for them to wake up and understand that they are not fooling anyone but themselves.

The most interesting part is that if you do not learn to love yourself, you would always find something missing. If you do not love yourself, you cannot expect others to love you and in fact, if they do, you would probably not be able to understand how or why. Ever been in a situation where you love someone – you see so much beauty / magnificence in them – yet they cannot see it in themselves and you don’t understand why they put you at a distance? Unfortunately, they have not learnt self-love so it is difficult for them to be loved as they would not be able to fully understand or accept it.

You are who you are – you are a divine being in human form with dharma (purpose) – always improve or try to be better but – learn to understand and love yourself. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

This is just a short note without much edit and to end, I want to include a poem which I strongly believe hints at the two most fundamental values, in my opinion, upon which everything else lies: integrity & mutual respect. It is the basis of self-love, in my opinion, see below.

The Guy in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

THANKS FOR READING !!!

& Remember that "What you focus on EXPANDS !", Christopher M. Knight...

Best Wishes,

Kavita Kissoon

Kavita Kissoon's Blog

Love Yourself & Grow Yourself !